also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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