just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
