apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
