I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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