I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
