a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
