I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
