I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
