I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
