i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
