I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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