I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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