He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
