Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
