put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
