You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
