You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Someone shit on the floor
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
