After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
