Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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