I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
