I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
