see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
