It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
