I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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