I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You took a bar mat shot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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