Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
