Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
