sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
