I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well you can't waste a boner
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
