were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
