Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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