we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
