Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
