Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dicks are not precious.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
