He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
