Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
