Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
