I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
