it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
