Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
