so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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