I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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