i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
