the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
