I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
