Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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