I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
