I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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