you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
