I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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