mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
