yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
